ONE: THE ART OF BALANCE
MY JOURNEY TO ESSENTIAL JOY
a child, I remember the many hours I spent enraptured with my
fantasies of the life I imagined unfolding before me. There were
wondrous adventures, filled with joy and excitement. I dreamed
of travels far and wide and I saw myself soaking up the delicious
aromas and experiences of exotic cultures and magnificent vistas.
I imagined lush surroundings, beautiful clothes, wonderful people
to meet and an endless supply of fun. I envisioned myself as an
ambassador of love wherever I went, doing work which would inspire
others and bring happiness to all.
My favorite cartoon was about the opposing
lands of light and of darkness. The people in the land of light
were happy and playful and lived in beautiful surroundings of
green meadows and colorful flowering trees. Then there were the
people from the land of darkness. These grumpy souls lived in
a land of black and white and walked around with their hands clasped
behind their backs as they solemnly chanted the tome, “We’re
happy when we’re sad.”
What tickled me so was that the happy
people would fill up milk bottles with sunshine and lob them over
to the land of darkness. Wherever these “bombs of delight”
would land, the surroundings would break into radiant and lovely
color! The people, too, would become happy and gloriously awaken
to the light side of life. What a joy for me to witness! I wanted
to be one of those happy people and bring joy to everyone!
As life weaves its threads of joy and
pain, alas, my fantasies faded as I grew older and wiser about
the world and its challenges. Being raised in a complex, lovingly
dysfunctional, boisterous family of nine (six brothers and sisters),
I learned very early how to shut down my emotions and that emotions
needed to be channeled and manipulated in order to get what I
wanted. True joy began to elude me as I experienced the pain of
To complicate the matter, we were trained
in strict Catholic schools, and were the products of our mother’s
parenting bible and book series How To Raise Good Citizens (yes,
it’s true!). She was utterly devoted to all of us and loved
us to the highest degree of which she was capable. In her fervor
for doing the best parenting job possible, she was the product
of the school of thought that children must be controlled in order
to reach their highest potential. We loved her dearly and rebelled
against her philosophies. And to add to the melee, we were outwardly
happy and had moments of true joy, but inwardly we were a very
We were a product of the fifties, the
times which reflected society’s dictates about good being
“normal” and bad being “different.” Remember
when one needed to “have” as much as (or at least
something comparable to) the Joneses next door in order to be
accepted and included? Those were the times in my young impressionable
life when all were keenly aware of their places in the order of
things. To be loved meant to have. To be loved meant to be similar
to. To be loved was to be accepted as a part of the “norm.”
I became afraid that if we did not meet the criteria of the requirements
of upper-middle class status, our family would be outcast from
The challenge in this equation was to
try to express my own spirit, my own uniqueness and fledgling
belief system within the matrix of the family, our Catholic community
and in society at large. We didn’t have the money or resources
easily available to us to compete with the Joneses. Due to family
circumstances and the war, my dear father missed out on completing
his college degree. At that time, this led to the unending spiral
of the horrendous job search and disappointing prospects for work.
This awful challenge continued off and on while he had seven little
mouths to feed. He found solace in alcohol while my mother’s
emotional and mental state was pushed to the edges of extreme
stress. This created an atmosphere in our home which induced fear
within us little ones. How would we be taken care of? Who could
listen to our concerns? How can we get our needs met? Even as
a three year old, being keenly sensitive to all around me, I held
the awareness that we were in dire straits most of the time.
As the days unfolded in those early years
I found my spirit shrinking within and beginning to hide away
as I courageously tried to be the “perfect child”
so as to alleviate the stresses on my parents. I couldn’t
really have my own feelings because my mother just couldn’t
handle it. She had more than a full plate and I wished to contribute
to her happiness rather then cause her pain by expressing any
of my own fears and concerns. The real me began to gradually disappear
as the me I thought I should be began to show itself to the world.
I began to “run” my parents’ emotional energy
instead of my own.
Looking back on those times, I can see
that the challenges I faced in those early years brought me out
of the balance of the masculine and feminine and into a distorted
and negative expression of the yin/yang qualities within. Rather
than being open, as in the positive feminine, I became closed
and contracted, hiding away in my own little world. Instead of
learning to listen to my feminine intuition, I fell into confusion.
In the place of the expansive expression of unconditional love
and acceptance, I became rigid and judgmental.
I also began to exhibit distorted masculine
qualities, such as moving from the logical or analytical mind
into confusion. Instead of utilizing the positive quality of imposing
order in my world, I began to want to control everything. Rather
than initiating action, I learned to procrastinate.
Oddly enough, though my religion in those
days, was the source of much of my confusion and anguish about
life, my saving grace in those years was my ultimate belief in
the presence of the saints and spiritual masters in my life. When
I went to Catholic mass, I would fervently follow every word of
the prayer book. I “saw” Jesus and Mary within the
statues and felt their presence whenever I called upon them for
help. I knew that they really did exist in the other realms and
that I could talk to them . . . and they really listened. I said
the rosary every night (albeit, at the same time that I would
listen to the radio and follow along with the songs with every
word, which I knew by heart!). It is wonderful, now, that the
Catholic Church has moved from fear-based teachings to love based
Though my father had his inner demons
to contend with, he would always speak to us of “positive
thinking!” I remember echoes of “Never give up that
ship!” rattling through my brain and giving me hope. He
was the first one in my life to encourage this way of living.
He always carried this wisdom on the tip of his tongue. This profound
contribution to my inner life was a bright star within the darkness
of the dysfunction and fueled my drive to find happiness and inner
peace as best I could.
As I grew through the teenage years and
into young adulthood, I began to question and seriously examine
my Catholic beliefs. When my young marriage began to fall apart
I discovered psychotherapy; what a revelation it held for me!
This began a journey of inner questioning and self examination
with monumental proportions, for it opened within me the possibility
that anything is possible. I no longer had to limit my experience
to the tenets of a religion, but could explore any avenue I wished
in order to find the Truth for me. Freedom!
My husband and I had married young and
soon had a family of two wonderful children, Katie and Sean, who
were divine gifts to our troubled relationship. Their light shone
brightly within the darkness as my spouse and I struggled to make
our marriage work. We did not really know ourselves and had much
inner work to do to discover the jewels hidden deep within. With
the help of psychotherapy, I was able to see the truth of our
relationship that we were just too different to live together
compatibly. After thirteen years of trial and separation, counseling
and trying everything we could to make our marriage work, my husband
and I divorced in 1980. It was the most painful experience to
have to break up our family and cause this trauma for our children,
but we knew that it was best in the end. Katie and Sean now understand
fully why we divorced and see that we each are living lives that
are best for us.
When I discovered the power of psychotherapy
and the inner journey, what thrilled me about that first year
of inner freedom was that I was beginning to get to know me. I
was able to extricate myself from my mother’s overbearing
and controlling energy and to find my own emotions and feelings.
I was learning to express my feelings in a real way and to allow
myself to feel anger (and to express it). This was so liberating
for me and I knew I was on the road to health and joy. I began
to know what I felt and to be able to express it. The little girl
whose spirit shrank away was coming out!
For a while I fell into despair as I
perceived that in order to be healthy emotionally, I needed to
let go of my spiritual self. What I was learning in therapy seemed
to be in direct opposite to what I learned in catechism. Could
I really take care of myself first? Did I really have the power
to make my own decisions from my own wisdom? I was my own authority?
I just couldn’t put it all together. So I chose to leave
religion and spirituality behind and begin the long journey to
mental and emotional health.
Finally, I could begin to see my childhood
fantasy again - the vision of life as I could make it. I began
to feel joy, real joy, as I ventured into deeper waters. Though
my journey into my psyche held within it a rediscovery of deep
wounds and pain from childhood, I knew I could manage to find
my way out of the quagmire and enter into joy if I just kept on
going. A dysfunctional family teaches us to limit, distort and
hide our true emotions, our true expressions of masculine and
feminine energies within us. And the task of spiritual growth
is to discover how we separated from the true joy and balance
we were born with, regain it, and continue to develop as adults
in the light of that freedom and joy. I was on my way.
After that first year of inner growth
I found, quite by accident, how I could merge my psychological
learning with a new form of spirituality for me. While recovering
from my husband’s and my first trial separation, I stumbled
upon a class at the recreation center called The Art of Letting
Go. It sounded perfect for me as I could see that I needed to
learn how to let go of the relationship and I thought this was
the topic of the class.
The class, I found out, was not really
about letting go of love, but about balancing and synthesizing
the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of self and letting
go of the obstacles to that balance. I was ecstatic! The background
information of the class was based upon “Psychosynthesis,”
a system of knowledge and exercises which assist us to connect
and balance all aspects of the Self. It wasn’t really about
letting go of love, but letting go of our concepts of limitation
and coming into our true inner knowledge and spiritual power.
I found a way to integrate my thirst for spirituality and emotional
health at the same time.
I discovered the power of guided imagery
and its ability to help us to access the contents of our subconscious
minds. The following was my introduction to it: We were taken
into our inner selves in meditation and guided into a sacred forest.
All of my senses responded. I could feel myself there and could
see, in my mind’s eye, the lush green carpet of grass beneath
the trees. I could smell the sweet aroma of the pine trees and
was surprised at the clarity of it all. We were asked to see in
front of us a house, which symbolized our psyches (subconscious,
conscious and super conscious). What appeared to me was a small
house which clearly showed me a basement (subconscious), ground
floor living area (conscious) and attic (super conscious).
Within the basement stood a fierce bear. I felt he represented
the fearful part of me which was hidden in my subconscious, my
shadow. In the living area on the ground floor stood a simple
wooden chair. I immediately felt that it represented the fact
that the real me had not been present in my life as yet. And in
the attic I saw a large crystal ball. To me this symbolized all
possibilities and my power to know truth.
As I allowed the images to penetrate
my mind, I asked myself, “What would happen if they all
came together?” What occurred astonished me because I understood
it immediately. I saw the bear come up to the living room (conscious
level) of the house, sit on the chair and hold on his lap the
crystal ball, which had been in the attic. What this all signified
for me was that if I could befriend my shadow self, or that part
of myself that resided in my subconscious, I could “show
up” in life and access the knowledge which lay in my super
conscious. For the first time on my inner journey I could see
that I held within me answers to my search for my true self. This
gave me great hope. It showed me that I could indeed integrate
my psychological learning with my hunger for a spiritual connection
This began for me a journey of many years
. . . a journey to find my soul and to express the unique aspects
of my true self to the highest degree that I could. My meditations
led to many encounters with my spiritual guides such as Jesus,
Mary, Buddha, and many others. I continued my search to ferret
out any emotional blocks which would keep me imprisoned in my
pain and confusion about life.
Through those many years, I learned to
understand myself and to trust my inner guidance. I took scores
of workshops about personal growth and spirituality, experienced
many therapies to unlock the secrets of my psyche, and read almost
every book under the sun about finding one’s way out of
the quagmire of confusion (this story I will save for another
book I am sure.)
By the year of 1989, I had come to a
place of relative inner peace. I had learned how to love myself
and manifested into my life my perfect spiritual partner and husband,
Doug Hackett (another story to be told!). We were married in 1992
and made the commitment to follow Spirit and our hearts in every
decision which would come before us. We had known from the beginning
that we would be doing spiritual work together some day. I had
received training in spiritual counseling and healing and Doug
had devoted many years to the study of meditation and spirituality.
Our deepest desire was to be catalysts for personal empowerment
for others - to be beacons of Light and examples of what it means
to live a totally fulfilled life of meaning and service.
We would regularly meditate together
and call upon beings of Light from other realms and dimensions
to assist us in our relationship and our work in the world. I
had many visions of these glorious beings and felt their presence
daily. I learned to trust the wisdom they shared with us and believed,
most of the time, that we were totally guided and taken care of.
There were the times, of course, that I would slip into my old
patterns of doubt and skepticism. These were the times of darkness
for me when I could feel myself being pulled into the downward
spiral of negativity and fear. In those moments, I knew that unless
I immediately dealt with the darkness, not ignoring it, and turned
toward the light and positive thoughts, I would be lost for hours
(or days) in that dark hole. I would pay attention to the content
of these negative thoughts and emotions and always seek help from
spiritual counselors and healers to find the source and to transmute
them into higher learning about myself.
Doug and I helped each other to become
aware of the remnants of dysfunction and limiting beliefs from
our childhoods as we sailed the sometimes stormy seas of relationship.
We believe that a “sacred partnership,” such as ours,
can be the perfect catalyst for this exploration. Though ninety
percent of our time together was wonderful, the other ten percent
held the challenge of emotional discovery and the call to healing.
Our commitment to this task has paid us endless rewards as we
grow ever closer in intimacy and love. Our willingness to see
each other through the eyes of our spirituality allows us to support
each other in our continued commitment to heal deep wounds, open
our hearts and give service to the best of our abilities.
When I first met Doug, he invited me
to join him at his weekly meditation group in San Francisco led
by the most grounded and clear spiritual teacher I had ever met.
David embodies the balance of masculine and feminine and integrates
his spirituality into all aspects of his life. He focuses his
mental abilities in his work as an attorney/mediator while utilizing
his intuitive side to expand into esoteric spiritual realms of
knowledge. I remember that first night, feeling my heart burst
open and expand to take up the whole room! Through his gentle
guidance I was able to open to higher knowledge and exploration
of my true Self. I learned that true security is within, how to
trust by paying attention to my belief systems, how to be really
present in the moment by utilizing awareness and focus. He taught
us how to know truth. The most wonderful spiritual healer, Pat
Woody, was a member of the group. She worked with Doug and me
for years to heal our past emotional wounds and gave us hope for
spiritual expansion on many levels.
One year after our marriage took place,
we received an invitation we could not refuse. At the beginning
of 1993 we had the opportunity to experience three months of personal
coaching. This process was designed to help us to open to living
a totally fulfilling life. We both had harbored many reservations
and negative beliefs about that subject. We thought that it was
really impossible to be totally fulfilled. Our upbringing and
cultural conditioning taught that we need to work hard to get
what we want out of life. We needed to sacrifice some of our dreams
if we were to truly be able to create security for ourselves and
our families. It was ridiculous to think that we could have everything
we wanted in life!
Through the skillful guidance of our
coach, we sailed through the three months, stripping off those
limiting beliefs and negative thoughts and ended up with the same
vision. We saw ourselves living near water, in a large house with
a high ceiling, with many people coming through. It was a wonderful
vision, but we had no idea where we would be living and what we
would be doing? We were satisfied with the coaching, even though
we had no clue what our life’s work would be. We trusted
that it would be shown to us at the appropriate time.
The next month, in May, our good friend,
Joan Ocean, came to visit us in our home in California. Joan’s
life was a perfect demonstration of the power of living by following
your heart. I met her in 1983 and became the first participant
in her meditation group in Belmont, California. She soon began
to receive messages of love, peace and harmony from the dolphins.
They seemed to ask her to be their ambassador to the world bringing
their wisdom and beautiful energy of love to all. She and her
partner, visionary artist Jean Luc Bozzoli, left the lives they
knew, packed a few suitcases and began a journey around the world
bringing the dolphin message to all. Not knowing where the next
flight would lead, or where they would get the money to pay for
it, they lived on pure faith and were totally taken care of. Joan
ended up in Kona, Hawaii, living on the ocean and swimming with
the dolphins every day, learning their immense wisdom and sharing
it with the world through books and dolphin seminars.
We were in awe as we viewed Joan’s
extraordinary video and listened to mind-expanding information
about the dolphins and their multidimensional consciousness. Their
energy drew us into their magical spell and we looked at each
other and said, “We have to go and swim with the dolphins!”
Two months later we found ourselves in the ocean with these magnificent
beings. The experience blew open our hearts and brought us into
a state of being I can only describe as ecstatic - the adventure
of our lives!
To be met one on one by these creatures,
both joyous and otherworldly, was astonishing in its intimacy
and in its awesome connection. We felt that they came to us with
the desire to communicate and share their magical world with us,
in this third dimension and in higher dimensions also. When we
were with them, all concerns or feelings of limitation disappeared.
We were brought into the present moment in a way that had never
been experienced before. It was pure bliss. We could see what
Joan was talking about - the dolphins assist us to touch the higher
aspects of ourselves and to seek joy through an expansion of consciousness.
We knew we would never be the same.
Before leaving for home, Joan said, “Why
don’t you move to Hawaii and help me with this work?!”
She said that there would be more and more people drawn to be
with the dolphins in their ocean home and that there needed to
be people to help them have that experience. Since I had attended
some spiritual training seminars with her in the past, and Doug
and I had made the commitment to do our spiritual work, whatever
that was, we felt that Joan must have been guided to ask us about
this. Even so, we were not prepared to say yes to this fantastic
suggestion. We said to her, “We can’t do that - we
have our lives in California!”
Upon returning to California, to his
surprise Doug realized that we didn’t have lives! His experience
was that what he had been doing no longer had that spark of aliveness
or spirit behind it! For several years Doug had been feeling that
he was supposed to leave behind his career as CEO of the energy
conservation company he had founded, however had not found anything
that he would rather do. Upon meditating on it, the only thing
that had that spark of aliveness, or spirit, behind it was selling
everything and moving to Hawaii to work with the dolphins! However,
he refrained from telling me right away, knowing that the perfect
moment would come in the next few days.
My experience was a bit different. On
the following Wednesday, after returning from Hawaii, I was driving
over the San Mateo bridge on my way home from work. While thinking
about the dolphins and Joan’s invitation, I suddenly had
an incredible experience. A “lightening bolt” of white
light shot right through my body and I heard the words, “Go
do this work.” It was as clear as day and I knew this was
a powerful message from the universe, the dolphins, and my Higher
I had experienced this same extraordinary
“white light” two other times in my life. The first
time the universe gave me this kind of unmistakable message was
when I was guided to end my first marriage. The experience left
no doubt whatsoever that I was to leave “now” with
no turning back. It was so powerful that even though I was not
prepared financially to go it alone and live the life of the single
mother, I was compelled to seek a divorce. My husband and I had
dedicated thirteen years to the attempt at making a successful
marriage. I felt that we had exhausted every avenue in our search
for the truth of our relationship. Was there enough love to keep
it all together? What about the children? I just couldn’t
leave unless every stone was turned and we had tried everything
possible to make our marriage work. Should we stay together or
seek happiness apart? The “white light” answered the
question for me. We parted right away and sailed into lives which
fulfilled our true natures and brought us more happiness and fulfillment
than we had felt for many years.
The second time that I was visited by
the “white light” occurred a few years later. This
lightening bolt shot through my body out of the blue one day and
“said” to me, “Go to so and so and see your
friend . . . now.” I had no idea why I was being told this
and what in the world I was to do when I got there. This was not
about getting in the car and driving a few blocks away. I was
being told to get on the next airplane and travel 3,000 miles
to see this friend! At that time in my frugal life, it was unthinkable
that I would take that kind of money out of the bank and take
off just like that! But this message was so powerful and compelling
I did just that. I arranged the ticket, got on the plane and,
feeling sick with anxiety about what I was doing and what may
be ahead, I painfully endured the five hour flight. Never having
traveled alone, I found it such a challenge to get the rental
car and then to find my way in a strange city to my destination.
When I reached my friend’s home and knocked on the door,
after announcing who I was, I waited for twenty minutes before
she opened the door. Upon first sight I could see she was in a
state of deep depression. She was about to commit suicide that
day and I had come at the precisely right moment. We talked for
twenty four hours and I was able to convince her to get the help
she needed to get through that challenging time. Oh yes, I trust
that white light!
Returning to the story of our return
home; when I told Doug about my experience with the lightening
bolt, he reacted with assurance that we were on the right track.
He said, “well, we made the commitment to follow Spirit
and it looks like we are both being called and are being tested.”
Happily we both knew that this was the direction we should go
and though it meant leaving behind security, we agreed to “jump
off the cliff” and follow our guidance.
We sold everything, packed up our books
and some kitchenware, and left for Hawaii the following February
of 1994. It wasn’t easy leaving our children, friends and
families on the mainland. Though my daughter and son were adults
and on their own, and Doug’s two teenage daughters were
living with their mother and step father, our hearts tugged at
us to stay close by. We made a pact with the universe that we
would see them at least four times per year in whatever way we
That first year was exhilarating, magical,
transforming and challenging. For me, the prospect that we did
not have paychecks would prove to be terribly frightening. I had
spent many years as a single parent working very hard to create
some sort of security for myself and my children. Before I met
Doug, I had bought a condo, paid cash for my car, had money in
the bank and a retirement fund. I was all set for the rest of
my life! Interestingly, I had an astrological reading six months
before I met Doug in which I was told that I needed to lose everything
to gain everything. “No!” I said, “I refuse!
I have worked too hard to finally feel secure!!” But alas,
I knew in my heart that if detachment to it all was to be asked
of me by Spirit, I would indeed have to surrender to it if it
meant my spiritual empowerment.
When we moved to Hawaii, we began working
very closely with Joan, who became our mentor and inspiration.
She told us in the beginning that she could not support us completely
financially, but would pay us to assist her in her dolphin seminars
and help her with her work. She also encouraged us to create our
own dolphin seminars so as to manifest a source of livelihood.
We founded and co-created Dolphin\Spirit
of Hawaii and began our adventurous life as facilitators of monthly
seminars including dolphin swims and spiritual transformation.
While our seminars began slowly at first, we found that facilitating
them was the most joyous, stimulating and fulfilling work we could
imagine. Our life had completely changed and began to bring to
us magical adventures, interesting and wonderful people from all
over the world, and deep satisfaction in the knowledge that we
were contributing to the spiritual awakening of the people we
In the first year, though we were on
an incredible adventure, all my fears reared their ugly heads
to taunt me and remind me that we had no real sustained income.
We began assisting Joan with her seminars and our own seminars
were beginning to grow in attendance. But this did not bring in
an amount of money that could sustain us without dipping into
our savings. As with any new business, it was a challenge to have
our income support the outgo of funds required to live in Hawaii.
We began to use up our savings and entered the dreaded realm of
credit card debt. This was for me the ultimate test.
In all my years as a single parent, I
had never let myself use credit cards in an amount more than five
hundred dollars. I was religious about it. To say that I was frugal
was an understatement. I knew every penny spent and what it was
used for. Though we went without many of the normal luxuries of
life, my children and I got by without going into debt. So when
it became necessary to enter into the realm of plastic, all of
my deepest fears visited me. I would awaken at two or three in
the morning with gut wrenching fear and pain in my stomach. I
would stumble into the living room so as not to awaken Doug, and
I would try all of my spiritual practices to allay the pain. Nothing
worked. My saving grace was that in the morning, when we would
go on our daily swim with the dolphins, the pain and fear would
magically disappear in the presence of their loving energy. I
kept hearing the message from the dolphins, “Keep on going.
You are totally supported.” This would save me for another
day until gradually, as the fear subsided, the abundance came
Our dolphin seminars became very successful
in the following years, until January of 1999. As new years day
unfolded, Doug and I went into meditation and asked the universe
what we needed to learn in the coming year. What we heard startled
us and moved us to examine our life and our way of living it.
What we heard is, “To receive the abundance of the universe,
you need to do three things: one, let go of all of your fears
and trust totally; two, surrender everything to Spirit, and three;
radiate your energy and light into the world.”
That will be easy, we thought. We can
do that! Well, what happened next surprised us and led us to the
next step. All of a sudden, in January of 1999, the phone stopped
ringing! Whereas the fall before this, all of our seminars were
over-booked, suddenly people stopped registering for the coming
year. We had to cancel several seminars within that year. Our
business slowed down dramatically — what better way to ferret
out all of our fears than to be faced with financial drought!
It was interesting to see how each of
us reacted to this challenge. Doug had already weathered this
kind of test of faith years before he met me. He had made the
decision, years ago, to follow his spiritual inner guidance, leave
a very financially rewarding lifestyle and lucrative profession
and strike out on his own to live his passion at the time. He
tried several kinds of work and found his joy in establishing
an environmentally conscious company called The Light Connection.
This was a company which retrofitted existing flourescent lighting
in office buildings with full spectrum lighting, perfect for an
Of course, in his years of transition,
he experienced times when money was very tight, and sometimes
nonexistent. But this did not deter him from his spiritual quest
for fulfillment and service, even in the face of financial burdens.
He had passed the test before I met him. In fact, I have never
met a person with such complete faith. He is my rock.
1999 was the time when I allowed all
remnants of fear to come forth to be examined. In doing so, I
found that many of my inner demons and emotional challenges, though
thinking they were handled in the past, came back to haunt me.
A part of me was so discouraged, but I knew on the deepest levels
that this was the perfect opportunity for my soul’s growth.
For most of my life, I really didn’t
think that I could exhibit my highest potential — that I
could really be the best I could be. I never gave up the search
for truth and for joy and inner peace. But, I figured that I was
too wounded by my dysfunctional past to reach the heights of joy
and confidence that were possible for others. In fact, I wouldn’t
even entertain the possibility for fear that I would be disappointed.
I had too many weaknesses, too many fears, too much emotional
baggage. Though I managed to heal much of my past, I was aware
that the inner journey is a lifetime task.
At the same time, I knew that our work
with the dolphins was extremely helpful and beneficial for people.
I knew Doug and I were making a contribution to the world and
assisting people in making life changing transformations. The
feedback was astounding sometimes. But, there always seemed to
be a little doubt that I could really be who I am.
Swimming and working with the dolphins
had made such a tremendous impact on my life. I enjoy sharing
with people my estimation that if we had not taken this step,
it would have taken me two more lifetimes to reach the spiritual
awareness I am experiencing now! Emotionally, I had made such
incredible progress. And that year of 1999 afforded me the opportunity
to delve even deeper.
In February of 2000, we found ourselves
swimming with humpback whales eye to eye in the Dominican Republic
with Joan Ocean for a week. What an astounding experience! We
knew the transformative energy of the dolphins, but were unprepared
for the whale experience. The spinner dolphins of Hawaii exhibit
and create a light and playful energy full of joy, while the whales
were a different energy altogether.
To my surprise, I was guided many times
during the week on the boat to stay on deck in perfect silence,
rather than go out with the group to swim with the whales. I would
lay on the deck and feel the immense and enormous gentle energy
of the whales bringing me into higher and higher states of consciousness.
In these quiet inner states, I heard over and over again “I
wait and it comes.” I knew I was being asked to quiet my
life, go within and be in a state of inner silence for the coming
months. Doug and I knew that we were being gently nudged toward
new work — an expanded version of our dolphin work. I felt
it was absolutely essential that I listen to these messages from
the whales in order to allow the new work to emerge. We knew the
new work must come from intuition and Spirit and not from the
ego. The whales assisted me in the waiting.
I consider that week with the whales
the catalyst for the next stage in the evolution of our Essential
Joy work. When we returned home from that extraordinary experience,
I immediately began the inner process of retreating from the world
and going very deep into my psyche and journey of my deepest inner
world. This meant letting go of all activities regarding promotion
of our dolphin work, doing the fewest possible actions necessary
to continue our work, and allowing all my remaining inner demons
to manifest. During our monthly seminars, I was fully present
and enjoying them with the usual great fun and exhilaration. In
between seminars, when we weren’t traveling, I found solace
in staying in bed all day at times and generally letting go.
For an Aries, type A, achievement-oriented
being such as I am, this was a delicious hiatus of precious “slothfulness”
and a challenge too. I just could not believe that I could actually
retreat so thoroughly and enjoy it while facing my deepest inner
fears and psychological obstacles. I got help from spiritual healers
and counselors and from powerful workshops on personal growth
and spiritual expansion. I revisited the realm of inner exploration
in a manner similar to the journey which I thought had ended,
for the most part, ten years earlier. All my fears came to the
surface and all my inner doubts. I felt as though I was regressing
spiritually, but knew at the same time that I was actually progressing.
I knew I needed to surrender the whole process in order to learn
what was important for our next step.
Finally, in November of 2000, after much
inner work, the beginning of the inspiration for Essential Joy
came to me. Doug and I were inspired to spend one hour each day
for one week in deep meditation. This we did with much joy and
commitment. When that week ended, I went into a state of quiet
and asked my Spirit guides what was next.
The information I received surprised
me. I was asked by Spirit what Doug and I wished to do for the
world. What would our service be, and what would we like to see
in the world? What came to me was that we would like to be catalysts
to empowering people to be in their joy, expressing their highest
potential. We would love to see each person on the planet, all
their needs met, exhibit their full talents and gifts for the
good of all.
Suddenly I saw in my mind’s eye
a large triangle with a line down the middle. I asked what this
meant and received the information that our human needs can be
realized if we balance the masculine and feminine aspects of our
beings. I was guided to place on the outside of the triangle,
in a distinct order, the basic of human needs necessary to live
in essential joy. First came the need for sustenance, then security,
then trust and so on, as will be described in the introduction
to balance. Inside the triangle, on the right side, I was given
all the masculine qualities within us to assist us in fulfilling
those needs; and for the left side, the feminine ones. When I
looked at the finished visual, I could clearly see how this formula
would work to bring us into joy. I was thrilled! Finally, I had
received the information which would allow us to begin our new
work. At that time it was called Essential Joy: The Art of Balance.
When I examined the formula, I could
see that one example of living in the balance was my experience
with the whales in the Caribbean. Instead of going ahead and following
the natural inner masculine tendency to take action and get in
the water to swim with the whales, I followed my feminine guidance
to stay on the boat and be in quiet and meditation. I used my
masculine power to take the action to be in a feminine space of
openness. This served me very well in that it allowed me to receive
guidance from my inner self that has broadened my life tremendously
by leading me to this work of Essential Joy.
For months I happily explored the meaning
of the formula and its application to everyday life. I played
with it in my own exploration of life and discovered that, while
being an excellent life map, I could use the process to extricate
myself from immediate emotional challenges. One day, finding myself
in an upset about something, I discovered I could utilize the
formula and the levels of needs with their corresponding masculine/feminine
qualities to determine how I was out of balance. By systematically
looking at each need, I could bring to consciousness what needed
to be adjusted in order to bring joy into the moment. The process
only took about fifteen minutes to complete. Through that experience,
and many times hence, I developed what I call the Immediate Process
of Essential Joy. It proved to me that this process and view of
life can work. We developed a week long seminar in Hawaii, which
would include dolphin swims and the full Hawaiian experience and
included the information in our 2001 brochure of seminars. We
were on our way...we thought.
As the year 2001 unfolded, not only did
our dolphin work continue to slow down, but registrations for
our new retreat did not materialize. There were many more people
coming here to Hawaii, bringing their own groups for dolphin swims,
and our own seminars’ attendance was gradually thinning.
This, of course, meant less income and more chances to practice
letting go. I saw it as a gift, of sorts, from the universe, allowing
us time to develop the new work and my confidence in bringing
forth the information about Essential Joy.
I had the basic information down pat,
but I found that as I went deeper into the information, my doubts
about my ability to receive the information reared their ugly
heads. I came into direct confrontation with my deepest fears
about my spiritual abilities. What better way was there to establish
my vulnerability, patience and surrender to the universe? I still
had issues with balancing masculine and feminine and with radical
trust. All I could do was to keep on keeping on and to trust the
process as much as possible. I held onto the belief that this
was information given to me to better mankind in some way.
To shore up my confidence in the work,
during the next months I sought assistance from several well-respected
psychics and spiritual teachers. Each of them (four in all), intuited
that this new work of Essential Joy was highly evolved material,
but could also be understood by beginners on the spiritual path.
We were told that we would be “out in the world” in
a big way in the future and to just keep on going. I held onto
this wisdom as I kept my heart open, sensing that I was on the
path to radical trust by being willing to open to it.
Somewhere in those first months of 2001,
Doug suddenly “got” that the triangle was not really
a triangle but a tetrahedron (a three-sided pyramid). This was
perfect as it established a new meaning in my mind, and brought
a fullness to my understanding of what the work really meant.
I could see that, while the feminine qualities inhabited one side
of the triangle, the masculine qualities the other, the third
side represented the neutral place of oneness where both are expressed
in wholeness. In third dimension, duality exists, and this duality
was expressed in this symbol in this way.
By May, I was feeling desperate for answers
to my questions about the full work of Essential Joy. I was still
being challenged to trust in the work and myself completely. Why
hadn’t The Art of Balance been successful so far? Why couldn’t
I feel confident about the material? What more was there to learn?
I felt incomplete with it and knew that the fullness had not been
revealed yet. What impatience in waiting for the information to
This is when we were introduced, long
distance, to a wonderful energy healer from New York, Camille
England. Our spiritual counselor at the time, Jaison Starkes,
suggested that we were ready to work with Camille. We had rave
reports from many of our friends about her amazing abilities to
clear the body of negative patterns and energies, and she could
do it long distance, without the need to travel to New York. This
was an answer to our prayers.
In making the first contact with Camille,
I felt an immediate rapport. I knew that she knew my journey on
a deep level of her being and her gentle nature helped me to open
up to my core. She asked me to first make a list of what I wished
to accomplish in the session with her, as well as all of the things
that I wished to manifest for the year. Then I was to spend some
time in surrender of all of my pains, sorrows and challenges .
. . as well as all of the things I love. I was to surrender all
of these things and people to God with no attachment whatsoever.
This process took me six weeks to complete!
Imagine the thought of letting go of
your attachment to your spouse and family? I had to think about
this very carefully. Doug, the cornerstone of my life, and my
children, family and friends represented the most difficult challenge
in this surrender. I knew on a deep level that letting go of my
attachment to them did not mean I would lose them necessarily.
But, in order to really surrender, I needed to be willing to let
them all go if need be in order to be healed at the core of being
and be open to the purity of my connection to God. Since I knew
that the new work needed to come from the core, from Spirit, I
knew that the surrender needed to be that complete.
Over and over I would go into meditation
and see in my mind’s eye all the things I love being sent
up to the heavens in a big balloon. This was my way of visualizing
the process. Since I am basically very visual, this worked for
me and eventually I felt ready for the healing.
At midnight on June 25 of 2001, I lay
in bed while Camille began to work on my body, removing the energy
blockages and negative patterning I had held for lifetimes. For
the first half hour or so, I felt the blissful feeling of coming
home. It was a feeling that I had never experienced before. My
body energy expanded and I felt like I was floating. This told
me that it was really working. This feeling was not something
that I could have produced on my own. There were many times in
meditation practice that I would know my consciousness was in
another realm, but this energy work was affecting my body even
though I was thousands of miles away from the healer. I fell into
a blissful sleep for the next five hours. When I spoke to Camille,
later, she told me that this was a five hour healing session.
Awakening that next morning, I felt full
of joy! I knew that something had shifted within me — something
that had not happened before. I knew that the old patterns of
belief and behavior had been moved out of my body. I felt renewed
and refreshed as never before. Now I could be who I really was
without the heavy load of past emotional scars and challenges!
Camille did tell me that the healing would take six weeks to be
complete. I could expect some return of the old patterns from
time to time within that stated time, but they would fade away
and eventually be gone forever. There was also one more piece
that needed to be done later.
As in most spiritual healings, Camille
told me that I may experience flu-like symptoms afterward for
a week or so. This I had heard from some of the others who had
had this healing. For the first few days I was flying high and
feeling so clear . . . and then the weakness came on. My body
reacted like a flu had taken over, but I knew and felt that it
was the old patterns literally seeping, like poison, out of my
cells, to be swept away. I rested and took care of myself.
As the week wore on and my ability to
move in any significant way lingered, I noticed that the inactivity
invited within me a mild depression. I realized that one of my
destructive patterns was to feel disempowered when I couldn’t
take action. I began to think that the healing really didn’t
work and that I would never receive the information that would
complete Essential Joy and our new work.
I fell into despair as the worst of my
negative patterns returned with a vengeance. I was a failure,
I thought. A week after the healing, I felt as though I had hit
bottom. My inner knowing was that I was just going through the
clearing, but my emotional self was devastated. I was a failure
and there was no more hope, I thought. Falling into a heap of
tears, I knelt at our altar and begged my spiritual guides in
the other realms to help me. It was that moment of pure surrender
when I realized that I just could not do it all by myself. Like
an alcoholic, my “bottom” revealed itself and I just
let go and asked for the help of God.
A wondrous gift appeared during that
hour of pain. I found a small, very clear, crystal on the floor
in front of me while moving into our room toward the altar. It
just showed up and no one claimed it. I found out later that it
had just sheared right off of a necklace that was hanging on our
closet door. I felt it was a sign of hope from God that all was
When my despair eased and I felt the
presence of God and my spiritual guides, I knew that was the end
of my real suffering. I had let it all out and I could feel the
fresh light feeling of my true self emerging again, as I had felt
it right after the healing session. From that moment on, the healing
took hold and I progressed beautifully each day.
Eleven days after my bout of despair,
as I was in meditation, I had an extraordinary experience in the
other realms. This was my initiation and this was the culmination
of the two and half years of search for our new work.
I found myself being brought up a bright
beam of white light farther and farther into higher dimensions.
It was as though I were being brought beyond the cosmos and beyond
the universes. I could literally see myself traveling through
the cosmos and into the black expanse of nothingness. My awareness
became crystal clear as I saw myself being brought into the center
of a circle of Light beings. These were immense beings who shimmered
in Light bodies, about twelve of them. Their essences were as
bright and beautiful as any I had encountered in other meditative
visions and I knew that they were of the highest vibrations. I
felt immersed in the most exquisite love while they sent streams
of unconditional love into my heart. Stunning and sacred!
My first impulse was to throw myself
on the “floor” beneath them in the center of the circle
and to literally surrender everything to them and to God. I begged
for their help in making this a total surrender, with nothing
held back. This was it - I was completely letting go of control.
I felt it in every cell of my body and knew that this was true
After a while, and when I felt complete
surrender, they asked me to join them in their circle. I did so
and as we connected our lights, I became as one of them. The light
entered my hands first and as it spread throughout my body, I
could see my body filling up with this shimmering light. My physicality
gradually disappeared as I became a radiant Light body pulsing
and vibrating with the most ecstatic joy and bliss. It was, for
me, the most exquisite encounter I had ever experienced in all
of my years of spiritual exploration.
Soon, the beings asked me to individuate
again and become my separate self. When that was complete, they
asked me to lie on a thick amethyst table in the center of the
circle. When I did this, I could literally feel the smooth, cool
surface under my skin. The first thing they did was to place a
“star” of light energy into my third eye. The feeling
was incredible as my third eye surrendered to this luminescent
light, allowing it to unfold my inner knowing to the depths of
my being. As this miraculous opening was occurring, I could also
feel the energy center at the top of my head, my crown chakra,
open and receive the most exquisite energy of grace. I was being
filled up with grace and beauty. What a glorious feeling!
When my body had had its fill of this
gentle grace, the beings of Light then began a process that I
can only describe as miraculous. From the third dimension, from
matter, they brought up into my body, through the amethyst table,
a beam of light in the shape of my body. At the same time, from
the energy above of the Source of Creation, they brought down
into my body a beam of light also in the shape of my body. These
two lights entered into my form and began to mingle and merge
with the most wondrous feeling of joy. The intensity of this merging
of spirit and matter within me grew to such a high degree that
I almost went unconscious. I was in total bliss.
When it became almost too much for me,
the energy stopped and the beings asked me to now become transparent
so that I could radiate this merged light out in all directions.
They told me that my purpose was to bring spirit into matter and
to share this energy with the world. It was an awesome message
and I felt a tremendous responsibility to be another conduit of
Spirit, along with many other “light workers.”
As I was laying in that sacred space
being filled up with this powerful energy, I noticed that I had
a slight pain in the left side of my neck. Having had much experience
in learning about body signals, I knew that I needed to check
this out and see what my body was trying to tell me. I used my
mind to put my awareness in the space that was in pain and I found
there a small wooden box with a large lock on the outside. I asked
the beings of Light to please help me to unlock the box to see
what was inside. They did, and as I opened the box I discovered
inside a small, round, many-faceted diamond. The beings relayed
to me that this was the diamond of Truth. If I were to become
this diamond of Truth, I could melt away the box and do just about
anything I wished.
I brought my consciousness into the diamond
and felt its enormous power. As I became this diamond of Truth
and radiated this energy, the box began to disappear. Nearly the
entire box melted away, leaving just a small piece visible to
my inner eye. This must be, I thought, representative of the last
piece of work I needed to do with Camille. So I just surrendered
it. I surrendered everything — all of it.
At that moment of complete surrender,
suddenly and spectacularly, the full information I had been searching
for appeared to me. The Art of Balance was only a part of Essential
Joy! There were two other levels and these levels became crystal
clear to me in that instant.
The Art of Balance, integrating our masculine
and feminine qualities to fulfill our human needs, was level one.
This was the information which could assist people in their search
for meaning, fulfillment and essential joy. The next level would
be an exercise on the three pieces of wisdom that Doug and I had
received in 1999. This was to be about letting go of fear, surrender
and radiating light. We call it Surrender to Magnificence. Perfect!
And then the third level would assist participants to access the
highest spiritual energy which would be appropriate for them at
their particular stages of spiritual evolution (Into the Light).
This was exactly what I was praying for! Yes, I could see it all
fitting in so perfectly. It was divine wisdom and a gift of knowledge
which made my heart sing. Essential Joy was complete! These three
levels will comprise the book series on Essential Joy.
One of the joys of receiving this information
at that time was that it did not limit Doug and me in our contribution
to service for the world. We could share anything within our spiritual
range of knowledge without limitation. It held within it the possibility
of any expansion of spirit that was appropriate at any given time.
I was so happy.
With great humility, I thanked these
radiant beings of Light for this experience, which I knew was
an initiation of the highest degree. I was grateful for the wisdom
and energy which was imparted to me, and I made the commitment
to follow through and to bring this information out into the world.
The vision ended and I brought my consciousness back to this plane
and into my body. I felt complete.
From that moment on, I knew I had come
into my spiritual power and was ready to do whatever it took to
be true to my calling. Doug and I began the task of getting very
clear about how to bring this out to the world. We utilized our
inner masculine energy and worked very diligently to create the
new web site and brochures. Our good friend and talented graphic
artist, Adam Walker, created the vision of Essential Joy within
the beautiful logo and brochures he designed. We were all set.
Two days after my initiation, a miraculous
thing happened. Our dear friends, Gil Gray and Danna Louri, came
here to the islands to visit and play. They sell beautiful crystals
and jewelry. On this particular day, soon after my extraordinary
vision, we went to their condo to visit. When we arrived, they
had all of their jewelry trays spread out displaying all of their
gems. An exquisite ring of gold, amethyst and opal beckoned to
me. It was the only thing I could see and its beauty drew me under
its spell. I was mesmerized by its design and on closer inspection,
I could see that it was a perfect symbol for Essential Joy! It
contained four triangles, two meeting at their bases between four
small diamonds, and then two others on each side. They symbolized
to me the initiation of spirit and matter in my body (amethyst
and opal), the diamonds being representative of Aries, my astrological
sign, and numerology (22-4). The two opal triangles on the sides
represent the balance of the masculine and the feminine, and the
three blue triangles, to me, represent the sacred number of the
trinity and the three-sided pyramid within our logo. It was for
me as though the great Spirits manifested this ring for me to
demonstrate the magic of spiritual expansion and to give me confidence
that I was truly onto something. And we even could pay on time
at wholesale cost! A double blessing! What a gift.
Now I was ready to move into our new
work. With Doug’s expert wisdom and help we began the task
of creating one and two day Trainings with which to share this
wonderful information about Essential Joy. We delved into the
world of the unknown with our hearts on fire with the passion
of truth. We jumped off the cliff once again as we used all of
our resources, time and money to create Essential Joy. Onward
with this new adventure!
The Tragic 9-11-01
This day of infamy seared our souls with its terrifying power.
The attack on the world trade towers in New York by members of
our own human family scorched our hearts and made us ill with
its horror. It brought home to us what has been experienced by
mankind throughout history, the devastation of man’s inhumanity
to man. How could human beings perpetrate such inhumanity on each
other? What was wrong with us as a species?
We were told in our meditations that
this was the “Great Awakening,” a shocking, albeit
violent, awakening of our senses to the true value of life and
peace and the interconnectedness of the whole world. All around
the world people were examining their value systems and looking
at what was really important to them. We were forced to look deeply
into the complexities of global relationship, political conflict,
religious fanaticism, terrorist activity and the human condition.
We, ourselves, had the opportunity of
looking deep within and asking ourselves if our new work, assisting
people to find the deep joy of life, was appropriate after such
horrendous suffering. How would people be able to relate to joy
when they were consumed with shock and fear?
Our inner wisdom told us that joy is
exactly what the world needs. Joy is a resonance of knowing and
feeling the connection to God and to all in the universe. When
we are in joy, we cannot be in fear. We see the present moment
as an aspect of the vast and endless unfolding of our path toward
truth which offers us the opportunity to learn who we are. We
can accept what life puts before us with the trust that there
is a reason far beyond our understanding for each moment. In joy
we are balanced and hold our connection with Spirit above all
doubt. We are able to hear our inner guidance so that we can take
the next step with confidence that we are being led ultimately
to love. While our parents’ suffering and fears stifled
and limited our own essential joy as children, the world’s
suffering and fears can stifle our adult selves’ essential
joy as spiritual beings. It is time to discover this deep joy
and heal the world.
We found out the depth of people’s
shock when we didn’t receive any response to our Essential
Joy brochure. This gave us the chance to practice what we were
ready to teach – that there is a reason for everything and
all is in divine order. We were inclined to ask ourselves “What
is going on? Isn’t this material from Spirit and does it
really have value? Weren’t we guided to send out our brochure
at this time? Why is there no response?”
Deep in our hearts we knew that the essence
of the work was in right timing. We knew that there would need
to be a “resting time,” a respite in the expectation
of people’s understanding and desire for Essential Joy.
Our understanding was complete, however, deep within me, some
remnants of fear and doubt were percolating below the surface.
This was not the old pattern of relentless fear, thank God, but
now I was to face, full on, the very real fear of financial ruin.
Our spiritual work with the dolphin seminars
was always fulfilling, however, because of the increase of dolphin
retreats offered on the big island, and the effects of 9-11, our
work was not supporting us financially. We knew we were being
called into the new work of Essential Joy, and we found ourselves
in deep debt as we were transitioning and adding Essential Joy
to the existing retreat schedule. This was the big test . . .
could we really live the principles of Essential Joy while experiencing
hitting the bottom financially?
By the beginning of the new year, 2002,
I found myself with a health challenge. My lymph glands under
my left arm were swollen for weeks. I hesitated to see a doctor
because I had wonderful friends here doing energetic healing on
me. When the swelling persisted and reached under my breast and
into the heart area, keeping me from breathing easily, I finally
saw our naturopath, who ordered x-rays, heart blood tests and
a mammogram. Nothing showed up, which left me with the question
. . . what do I do?
Our good friend, Lisa, had just passed
over from the complications of lymphoma and my doubting self began
to ask myself if I was dying. Here was the opportunity for me
to reach into the depths of my soul and come to the ultimate surrender.
Am I willing to die? Am I willing to let go of life and slip into
the mystery fully with joy and love in my heart? Yes, I passed
the test. I felt ready. Within my deepest self I fully surrendered
to the possibility and accepted whatever the universe had in store
Our dear friend, Celeste Eaton, began
my process of healing through her energy technique of working
with my past lives. While lovingly opening my energy centers to
the inner truth of my being, she helped me to connect with my
deepest pain in being human. I saw my existence, before my soul
even expressed itself in the third dimension, for the first time.
My soul knew what it would be to lower my vibrational frequency
to the denser energies of the human condition and the psychic
pain that this would require. The Light was so bright on the “other
side” and in that state I could see ahead through time the
countless times I would have to express the opposite of love and
create harm for others in my process of learning through my journey
of lifetimes. I was able to feel the pain of that knowing and
let it go.
Next, I visited our good friend, Nancy
Emery, a nurse practitioner and healer, whose profound session
brought me into the depths of trust. As I lay on her healing table,
after some physical manipulation and massage, she moved into a
state of being which allowed me to access the remnants of fear
which were still held deep in my body. As I released that fear,
I could literally “see” my Higher Self, in the form
of a radiant crystalline goddess feminine being, coming down from
the ethers into my body. This is the first time that I experienced
becoming one with this being of Light. I knew it would integrate
into every cell of my body and I was in deep joy.
A week after this profound experience,
the swelling began to return, so I knew that a second session
would be in order. In her capable hands and surrounded by her
loving energy, I could see that my lower body was beginning to
reject this radiant energy. It was rebelling and was afraid to
hold it for too long. My body, having held fear for generations,
was just not ready to surrender to the Spirit completely. Nancy
did some more work with me and we could both see that my left
leg was holding onto the old. I opened the energy center in the
bottom of my foot and the old energy just leaked out, making space
for the new. I was fully here and ecstatic!
Suddenly, I “saw” with my
mind’s eye, a group of higher beings surrounding me. They
appeared before me to honor me for doing the work, for having
the courage to go deeply into my self in order to discover the
truth of my being, and of all beings, that we are radiant spirits
in physical bodies. We are the vehicles for these expressions
of the divine and our outer selves are just the container of Spirit.
The council of spiritual beings who surrounded
me consisted of a dark-skinned man with bald head and hair flowing
from below his ears down his back. He had on robes of what seemed
to be an orange color. He handed me a golden feather. Jesus and
Mother Mary gazed at me with so much love. Michael the Archangel
laid his sword of truth on my chest. And, my dear mother, who
passed over nearly four years before, gave me a gentle smile and
a touch of love. The last one to appear was, our friend Lisa Hixson,
whose memorial we had just attended. She said to me “You
go girl!” in her wonderful way. They were all there to honor
me and thank me for the journey of my soul’s truth.
From that sacred day forward I began
to move rapidly toward radical trust and only felt fear occasionally!
The celebration of joy within me continued on and I was amazed
that I was able to attain this level of trust. Since fear was
my main challenge in life, I assumed that the task of transmuting
my fear completely was a dream to be realized in perhaps my next
life or two! Most of the time I felt clean, clear, joyous and
in the awareness of who I am. I could surrender to the “river
of life” more easily than I could ever imagine. Though there
were some times that fear wished to be heard within me, I had
been able to be fear-free for a great majority of my life since
then. Filled with gratitude, I wish to share this journey with
At this point, your own fear and negativity
may be expressing in thoughts like “How could I swim with
whales and dolphins?” Or “I don’t have dear
friends who are gifted healers.” Or “I don’t
have visions of Beings of Light.” Remember, your own soul
will direct you on your own unique path to essential joy. It doesn’t
have to look anything like my path. Open your heart, trust your
own soul’s guidance and know that you will find your own
path to essential joy.
Know that this is possible! We can move
through the quagmire of life’s complexities without fear.
We can rejoice at the unfolding of every moment, knowing that
there is a reason for all that comes before us. We can dance the
dance of freedom of spirit and live in the essence of joy, no
matter what the outer circumstances. I will show you how in the
following pages. Let us bring in the Light of joy!